Recently I have been looking into reasons for my current mental state.
What seems to happen is for a few weeks I will feel okay; I will be productive, loving towards my boyfriend, tolerable to others at work, wanting to progress academically (I have been studying towards a Psychology degree).
But then, for a week or so, I will feel antisocial, depressed, like I am not going to survive for very long.
And each time it happens I just like the episode, "is much worse" than last time's week-long depression, which makes me feel even worse.
I have anxieties about growing up and becoming an adult. I am scared to let go of myself. Scared I will lose my job. Scared I will be alone. Scared people will hate me.
I have had enough of feeling this way this time. I really have. But I wouldn't like to lose my job because it's a good job. I love my boyfriend, he is nice. He is rather annoying. But I think I really need to learn not to look at things in black and white.